trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
