my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
