We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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