If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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