I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
