so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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