Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
