On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
