if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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