You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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