If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
