I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
