I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
