I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
