Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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