Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
