I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
