Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
