Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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