OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
