doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
