Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
