What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
