did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it's great music for shaving your balls
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
