Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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