I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
