I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
