just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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