You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
