She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
