The maid of honor just puked.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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