I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
