Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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