Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
