someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
