idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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