Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
