I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
