if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
