I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Girls should come with a carfax report
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
