I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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