angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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