i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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