I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
