i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
