You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
