Who wears a wallet chain?!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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