Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
