you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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