i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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